Julie and I are different. In many different ways. Julie is creative, I am trying to be original. Julie is funny, while I am trying to be smart. Julie is in so many ways the better me, that I can not even start of thinking about a life where I am not trying to live up to her expectations.
But then there is life in a campervan!
It is uncomfortable, of course.
My uncomfort deals, to stress the most obvious, with the size of our Merlin. Of course I can not stand up straight, but that’s something I have almost gotten used to. Let’s talk sleep. There are two ways to sleep in Merlin, lengthwise and sidewise. In both ways I just fit. Really only just, in both versions I can lay straight and my heels will touch the other side of my bed. But then, this is better than I would have expected. And it makes me feel a little bit like a straightjacket. I know this is how far I can get, I am getting to the limits of my abilities. Which is comforting somehow.
We normally sleep with a bed made up of the width of the camper. A few bars, a little twisting and turling, and then, suddenley, there is a bed. We took our own duvets, and are using Claire’s as an extra matras, and it works.
Somehow. A little bit.
Nights are not comfortable. A stretch of sleep of, say, four hours, is a blessing. But then, what do you get back from it. Freedom, basically. Very small responsibilities and a new day to challenge yourself on the things that you would like to challenge yourself on.
My ultimate challenge, by the way, is to figure out the meaning of life. My life. Abbot Christopher Jamieson, of Worth – where he is not the abbot anymore, somehow – wrote two books: Finding Sanctuary and Finding Happiness. I read them with enormous respect and sympathy. But I realised for me finding Sanctuary (basically a monks life) and finding Happiness (basically a life without sins) where not satisfactory.
I have been trying to have a life in which I find Meaning. Finding Meaning, that’s what life is all about in my opinion. You can, (I can!) find it partly in my wife, my daughter, my family, my friends, my hobbies, my idiosyncrisities, in my who knows what.
But the ultimate satysfying meaninG in the end I have to find it in myself, in my own talents and capabilities. There is just no excuse for not confronting myself. Which is of course what I am doing here on this maddening trip to the twelfth century.
But there are plenty of excuses not to do this on my way.
Just to name a few that I have recognized.
* writing at least, compulsively almost, 500 words a day
* getting excited about saints, mainly pastor of Ars
* driving around like mad, on some days
* looking forward to responses about what I wrote in the first place
Whatever I try to not confront me with the real question, it is not going to work. Which I do realize, of course, which is the beginning of the solution. Which solution will, funnily enough, I am sure, include the answers that are caused by writng compulsively, getting interested in saints (some saints) Trying to collect impressions, and being curious what others think of it.
Which is just a different way of trying to redefine myself, naturally.
But the goal is to Finding Meaning.
And luckily it is to be found on a trip through beautful France.
Han says
I think you’re right about that, Joost. Finding the meaning of life would feel like finding the grail. Coming to think about that: both subjects have been covered by Monty Python, some coincidence 😉
More seriously: I’m convinced you will find what you’re looking for on this brave journey of yours. And that combined with Julie’s company and the french delights must already feel like a trip towards paradise …
Fletcher F. Fletch says
Good one, Joost! I am pulled into these personal reflection entries more than the ones about the economics of land use planning that motivated saint carvers to eat mud or whatever. Have you read Present Shock? Would be a great listen as you roll through France. Just a flow of thought-provoking comments and observations about the condensed moment we mis-experience in the digital age. Probably won’t provide meaning, but some insightful context about the journey.
Martin O'Brien says
Dear Joost,
First, I have greatly enjoyed your, and Julie’s, thoughts, reflections and writings. Thank you both!
Second, your post today brings back thoughts I have had before: Do we really FIND meaning in our lives, or do we CREATE meaning in our lives? Although simple verbs, one suggests a discovery process, almost outside ourselves, while the other suggests focused internal effort and construction. Perhaps, you are already in the meaning-creation-mode on this trip, with your love of Julie, and Claire, and friends and family, AND your writing, excitement over the Pastor of Ars, all while driving around madly? As Pluralis Juliensis clearly knows, creativity is a funny task master. Discovery, internal effort, and even seemingly errant activities are often required. Perhaps you are closer to your goal than first appearances? I am sure a good night’s sleep, and All will be Clear!
Shelly says
Joost, seems you are reaching Nirvana!
julierezac@btconnect.com says
why are you called Fletcher F. Fletch now? Is this a legal name change?
julierezac@btconnect.com says
No, haven’t read present shock, and not the books you mentioned earlier. But i will get into those. I am stll reviewing books and had today two books delivered. Adress: Joost van Mierlo, camping le point, france. Great isn’t it. I can understand you are not directly waiting for all this nonsense about bernard and cluny. I do not know whatI want to do with it yet, but by just putting down these thoughts I hope that a good approach for a book, my intention, will one day dawn on me, if dawn is the right word here. Still having fun though. Beats life at the office, although your office sounds like good alternative. Wrote an article about buffett yestersay, by the way. Mentioned susie in it!
Say hello to your loved ones
Joost
Valerie Moss says
Confronting oneself isn’t an easy task. While you are searching for The Meaning of Life : I am vicariously enjoying your journey!
julierezac@btconnect.com says
Loved your response Martin. I am not sure I am getting closer. but one of the amazing things of this blog universum is to get responses to reflect on one’s thoughts in the first place. The pluralis Juliensis should be patented. But you know her. Love to hear from you again.
Joost
julierezac@btconnect.com says
I have been thinking, without reading yet your reading suggestions. I think that what has gotten lost in recent times is the sense of community. this sounds blindly, but I think you understand. the whole welding of society, it has gone because of… egotism, consumerism, focus on ME, Me, Me and maybe a little bit of the rest of you. People have become consumers, instead of citizens, as one writer recently put it. But maybe all these social networks, and your community building skills, are the answer. To be continued.
Joost